1 00:00:07,724 --> 00:00:09,314 Iguana jerky? 2 00:00:09,413 --> 00:00:10,723 - No, thanks. - You sure? 3 00:00:10,827 --> 00:00:11,997 It's a rare 4 00:00:12,103 --> 00:00:13,453 - and cantankerous delicacy. - I'm good. 5 00:00:13,551 --> 00:00:14,621 Well, I got plenty of different varieties 6 00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:16,074 in my billfold, if that's what 7 00:00:16,172 --> 00:00:17,312 floats your apple. Let's see. 8 00:00:17,413 --> 00:00:19,483 Ostrich, cicada, I got dolphin, 9 00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,446 albino dolphin, porpoise, 10 00:00:21,551 --> 00:00:24,101 albino porpoise, tarantula, Bunnicula, 11 00:00:24,206 --> 00:00:26,406 - fuckin' emu. - I'm fine, thank you. 12 00:00:26,517 --> 00:00:28,027 Suit yourself, Saltine. More for me. 13 00:00:28,137 --> 00:00:29,517 [munching] 14 00:00:29,620 --> 00:00:31,620 Oop, that one's not cured all the way through. 15 00:00:31,724 --> 00:00:33,414 [chuckling]: That's good luck, though. 16 00:00:33,517 --> 00:00:35,137 And now back to this week's Arky Rankings. 17 00:00:35,241 --> 00:00:36,281 RIP: Ooh, turn it up. 18 00:00:36,379 --> 00:00:38,479 Coming in at number one: Zane Troy, 19 00:00:38,586 --> 00:00:39,966 fresh off his triumphant hire 20 00:00:40,068 --> 00:00:41,238 by Quail Eegan. 21 00:00:41,344 --> 00:00:42,624 I don't have a son, but if I did, 22 00:00:42,724 --> 00:00:44,724 I'd throw him away and make Zane my son. 23 00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:47,307 And I would go along with that, no matter the emotional fallout. 24 00:00:47,413 --> 00:00:49,413 One person not appearing on the Arky Rankings: 25 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,407 Rip Digman. Just thought I'd mention that. 26 00:00:51,517 --> 00:00:52,757 Moving on to our next story: 27 00:00:52,862 --> 00:00:53,932 Santa Claus has announced 28 00:00:54,034 --> 00:00:55,284 that he will be participating 29 00:00:55,379 --> 00:00:56,759 in No Nut November. 30 00:00:56,862 --> 00:00:58,722 Well, pickle shit. 31 00:00:58,827 --> 00:01:00,547 Oh, don't worry, Rip, he'll blow a load in December. 32 00:01:00,655 --> 00:01:02,685 Not that, the Arky Rankings. 33 00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:04,313 12 years ago, I was number one, 34 00:01:04,413 --> 00:01:05,693 and now I can't even crack 'em. 35 00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:07,483 You know, you'll never make the rankings 36 00:01:07,586 --> 00:01:09,586 if you keep passing on every job that comes in. 37 00:01:09,689 --> 00:01:10,969 Well, the only job offers I'm getting 38 00:01:11,068 --> 00:01:12,968 are from little rinky-dink museums. 39 00:01:13,068 --> 00:01:14,618 New job offer just came in, Rip. 40 00:01:14,724 --> 00:01:16,794 Let me guess, some rinky-dink museum? 41 00:01:16,896 --> 00:01:19,546 Yeah, it's rinky and, from what I can tell, 42 00:01:19,655 --> 00:01:21,305 dinky, too. You want me to pass? 43 00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:22,723 Rip, before you say no, just listen: 44 00:01:22,827 --> 00:01:24,657 I have formulated a five-point plan 45 00:01:24,758 --> 00:01:26,168 to get you back atop the rankings, 46 00:01:26,275 --> 00:01:28,335 and step number one is to successfully complete 47 00:01:28,448 --> 00:01:29,448 a small-time job. 48 00:01:29,551 --> 00:01:30,551 Well, what are the other steps? 49 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:31,685 I didn't want to spoil it, 50 00:01:31,793 --> 00:01:33,413 but step four is a makeover. 51 00:01:33,517 --> 00:01:34,717 Well, I like that. 52 00:01:34,827 --> 00:01:36,687 Of course you do. My plan will work. 53 00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:37,833 Just trust me. 54 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:38,861 [echoing]: Trust me. 55 00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:40,135 You won't regret hiring me 56 00:01:40,241 --> 00:01:41,721 as your assistant. Trust me. 57 00:01:41,827 --> 00:01:43,617 Consider this my resignation. 58 00:01:43,724 --> 00:01:46,724 Bella! I will not let you die! 59 00:01:46,827 --> 00:01:49,207 - I'll never trust you, Zane! - Whoa, okay. 60 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,550 I learned my lesson about 61 00:01:50,655 --> 00:01:52,135 blindly trusting an assistant. 62 00:01:52,241 --> 00:01:53,761 Agatha, tell that rinky-dink museum 63 00:01:53,862 --> 00:01:55,452 to make like Christopher McCandless 64 00:01:55,551 --> 00:01:57,071 - and take a hike. - The Into the Wild guy? 65 00:01:57,172 --> 00:01:58,452 Yeah, do you have a problem 66 00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:00,071 with what I said, Saltine? 67 00:02:00,172 --> 00:02:02,592 He famously took a hike. I'm halfway through that book, 68 00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:03,999 - and the guy is all about hikes. - Actually, Rip, 69 00:02:04,103 --> 00:02:05,693 you know how you've got that snake terrarium? 70 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,553 Because they're my favorite animal, yeah, go on. 71 00:02:08,655 --> 00:02:10,405 And the snakes require heat lamps. 72 00:02:10,517 --> 00:02:11,927 Because they're ectothermic, yes. Continue. 73 00:02:12,034 --> 00:02:13,724 Well, those lamps use a lot of power, 74 00:02:13,827 --> 00:02:15,687 and we're way behind on our bills, 75 00:02:15,793 --> 00:02:17,313 so you should take the job because 76 00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:18,763 we desperately need the money. 77 00:02:18,862 --> 00:02:20,972 Okay, fine. I'll do it for my beloved snakes. 78 00:02:21,068 --> 00:02:22,238 So what's the job? 79 00:02:22,344 --> 00:02:24,074 Welcome to the Museum of Confetti. 80 00:02:24,172 --> 00:02:25,482 The only museum dedicated to 81 00:02:25,586 --> 00:02:27,276 indistinguishable little scraps of paper. 82 00:02:27,379 --> 00:02:28,689 Oh, man. 83 00:02:28,793 --> 00:02:30,383 So, this one is from the London Olympics' 84 00:02:30,482 --> 00:02:33,412 opening ceremony, and this one is from the closing ceremony. 85 00:02:33,517 --> 00:02:36,027 Wait, that's the closing, and this is the opening. 86 00:02:36,137 --> 00:02:38,407 I'm sorry. I feel so ashamed right now. 87 00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:40,097 - Kind of wish I could die. - Oh, no. 88 00:02:40,206 --> 00:02:41,966 Anyways, I was hoping you could help me find 89 00:02:42,068 --> 00:02:44,718 a piece of the most historically significant confetti ever. 90 00:02:44,827 --> 00:02:46,687 I didn't know confetti had a history. 91 00:02:46,793 --> 00:02:48,073 - Please share. - [groans] 92 00:02:48,172 --> 00:02:49,412 PETEY: Hundreds of years ago in Italy, 93 00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:50,927 it was a young boy's birthday, 94 00:02:51,034 --> 00:02:52,694 but his family couldn't afford any gifts. 95 00:02:52,793 --> 00:02:54,693 So the boy sat alone, wishing for a miracle, 96 00:02:54,793 --> 00:02:56,073 when someone emptied their trash, 97 00:02:56,172 --> 00:02:57,412 filled with small pieces of paper, 98 00:02:57,517 --> 00:02:59,277 out the window above him. 99 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:00,549 -♪ La-la-la-la-la... ♪ - His prayers were answered, 100 00:03:00,655 --> 00:03:01,925 and confetti was born. 101 00:03:02,034 --> 00:03:03,864 On the dark web, I came across a tip 102 00:03:03,965 --> 00:03:06,205 as to the location of one of the original pieces. 103 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:08,550 It says it's hidden near the Rialto Bridge, 104 00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:09,925 but I can't go to Italy. 105 00:03:10,034 --> 00:03:11,664 Who would sing to my confetti at night? 106 00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,688 - [groans] - Five-point plan. 107 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:16,283 Fine, yes, we're in. Swooper, gas up the plane. 108 00:03:16,379 --> 00:03:17,659 We're headed to Venice, Italy. 109 00:03:17,758 --> 00:03:18,928 Plane's already gassed up. 110 00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:20,794 If I add any more, it will explode. 111 00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,656 Is that what you want? 'Cause I swear to God, 112 00:03:22,758 --> 00:03:25,478 I'll do it, Rip. I'll do anything for you, man! 113 00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:36,281 RIP: Well, seems like Petey's tip was a bust, 114 00:03:36,379 --> 00:03:38,829 and that stupid piece of paper's nowhere to be found. 115 00:03:38,931 --> 00:03:40,341 What are you getting up to over there? 116 00:03:40,448 --> 00:03:41,758 The confetti may not be on the bridge, 117 00:03:41,862 --> 00:03:43,382 but it could be in the bridge. 118 00:03:43,482 --> 00:03:45,722 I noticed an opening, so I'm having Fleety look inside. 119 00:03:45,827 --> 00:03:48,137 We can watch with my newest cool invention: 120 00:03:48,241 --> 00:03:49,521 The FleetyCam. 121 00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:50,860 RIP: Oh, yeah, look at that. 122 00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:52,655 SALTINE: That must be it. Go, Fleety. 123 00:03:52,758 --> 00:03:54,338 RIP: Oh. Oh, God. 124 00:03:54,448 --> 00:03:56,238 Fleety, watch out! What the...? 125 00:03:56,344 --> 00:03:57,484 Fleety? How did you...? 126 00:03:57,586 --> 00:03:58,996 The video's on a 30-second delay. 127 00:03:59,103 --> 00:04:00,483 Would you have preferred a live feed? 128 00:04:00,586 --> 00:04:01,656 Yeah, of course. 129 00:04:01,758 --> 00:04:03,208 I mean, little anticlimactic. 130 00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:04,760 Kind of wanted to see how Fleety got out of that. 131 00:04:04,862 --> 00:04:06,312 Nice work, buddy. Here's your treat. 132 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,723 [snorts, sighs] 133 00:04:07,827 --> 00:04:09,277 Well, there it is, whoop-de-doo, 134 00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:12,139 a boring piece of confetti that nobody cares about. 135 00:04:12,241 --> 00:04:13,591 - Confetti? - Confetti? 136 00:04:13,689 --> 00:04:15,209 Did somebody say "confetti"? 137 00:04:15,310 --> 00:04:17,970 CROWD: ♪ Confetti, confetti ♪ 138 00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:19,138 ♪ Confetti, confetti, confetti.♪ 139 00:04:19,241 --> 00:04:20,141 Confetti! 140 00:04:20,241 --> 00:04:21,971 Wow, I guess people here 141 00:04:22,068 --> 00:04:23,308 really do love confetti. 142 00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:25,623 Hold on, there's something written on this. 143 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,144 [tires screech] 144 00:04:27,241 --> 00:04:28,311 They've got the confetti. 145 00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:30,448 RIP: Guys, I love the hat, 146 00:04:30,551 --> 00:04:32,311 but I think it's too long. 147 00:04:32,413 --> 00:04:34,453 [tires screech] 148 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,375 [both gasp] 149 00:04:36,482 --> 00:04:37,762 MAN: Welcome, Rip Digman. 150 00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:39,592 What the hell is going on here? 151 00:04:39,689 --> 00:04:42,409 We are the descendants of Julius Caesar, 152 00:04:42,517 --> 00:04:44,997 and my name is Cale. Cale Caesar. 153 00:04:45,103 --> 00:04:48,143 But before you say anything, I've heard all the jokes. 154 00:04:48,241 --> 00:04:49,451 And I love them, 155 00:04:49,551 --> 00:04:52,381 so if you'd like to make any, I am all ears. 156 00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:55,522 Uh, your name sounds like a salad? 157 00:04:56,344 --> 00:04:57,864 [laughs] 158 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,335 I actually hadn't heard that one before. 159 00:05:00,448 --> 00:05:02,588 [laughs] Wow, you went right at it. 160 00:05:02,689 --> 00:05:04,719 We are known as the Little Caesars. 161 00:05:04,827 --> 00:05:06,827 And, yes, I've heard all the jokes. 162 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,721 Those ones, I don't like. 163 00:05:08,827 --> 00:05:10,897 Seems arbitrary, but humor is subjective. 164 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,480 We will stop at nothing to return the Caesars to power. 165 00:05:13,586 --> 00:05:15,096 For years we have been searching 166 00:05:15,206 --> 00:05:17,586 for the world's original batch of confetti 167 00:05:17,689 --> 00:05:19,719 because it is actually a torn-up map 168 00:05:19,827 --> 00:05:22,587 leading to one of Italy's greatest lost treasures. 169 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,929 The knife Brutus used to kill Caesar. 170 00:05:25,034 --> 00:05:26,214 Ah, shit. 171 00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:28,340 CALE: Legend has it that the knife is cursed, 172 00:05:28,448 --> 00:05:29,688 and anyone who holds it 173 00:05:29,793 --> 00:05:31,833 is overcome by the desire to kill their boss. 174 00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,481 Just like Brutus did to Caesar. 175 00:05:33,586 --> 00:05:34,926 CALE: Many have sought the knife to 176 00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,904 exploit its power, so, hundreds of years ago, 177 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,970 the great Venetian mapmaker Fra Mauro 178 00:05:39,068 --> 00:05:39,998 hid the knife 179 00:05:40,103 --> 00:05:41,593 and drew a map to its location. 180 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:42,929 But when evildoers closed in 181 00:05:43,034 --> 00:05:44,794 on Fra Mauro, he tore up the map, 182 00:05:44,896 --> 00:05:46,206 scattering the pieces to the wind. 183 00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:47,790 - [Fra grunts] -♪ La-la-la-la ♪ 184 00:05:47,896 --> 00:05:49,336 ♪ La-la-la-la-la. ♪ 185 00:05:49,448 --> 00:05:51,518 The writing on the back, that's why you grabbed us. 186 00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:52,860 We found the final piece. 187 00:05:52,965 --> 00:05:54,995 Precisely. The map is now complete, 188 00:05:55,103 --> 00:05:57,623 but there's no "X" marking the knife's location, 189 00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:58,694 just a Latin riddle 190 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,553 that you will help us solve. 191 00:06:00,655 --> 00:06:02,445 And why would we help you? 192 00:06:02,551 --> 00:06:03,831 Because if you don't, 193 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:06,381 you'll find yourself at the bottom of a canal. 194 00:06:06,482 --> 00:06:07,832 - With scuba equipment on? - No. 195 00:06:07,931 --> 00:06:09,411 - Damn it. - GIRL: Lunch is here. 196 00:06:09,517 --> 00:06:11,237 Okay, I've got a Caesar salad. 197 00:06:11,344 --> 00:06:13,214 - That's me. - And I've got a Caesar salad. 198 00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:14,690 - That's mine. - GIRL: A make-your-own salad 199 00:06:14,793 --> 00:06:16,243 with romaine, anchovies, parmesan, 200 00:06:16,344 --> 00:06:17,864 - croutons, Caesar dressing. - Oh, that's... Hey, that's mine. 201 00:06:17,965 --> 00:06:19,855 You guys want any salad? 202 00:06:19,965 --> 00:06:21,205 And they stole the map and escaped. 203 00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:23,140 [sighs] I feel like that's on all of us. 204 00:06:23,241 --> 00:06:25,211 You know, I mean, honestly, who escapes anymore? Just stay. 205 00:06:29,137 --> 00:06:30,897 Now, this is more like it. If we find the knife 206 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,170 that killed Caesar, I'll make the Arky Rankings for sure. 207 00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:33,925 And that will solve all my problems forever. 208 00:06:34,034 --> 00:06:35,454 Aren't you worried about the knife's curse? 209 00:06:35,551 --> 00:06:38,341 Oh, Saltine, there's no way this knife is cursed. 210 00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:39,378 People want to kill their bosses 211 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,482 every day. 212 00:06:40,586 --> 00:06:41,786 Hell, you probably want to 213 00:06:41,896 --> 00:06:43,236 kill me right now. But don't, though. 214 00:06:43,344 --> 00:06:45,034 - I don't want to kill you. - Yeah, you say that, 215 00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:46,717 because you need job security, 216 00:06:46,827 --> 00:06:48,657 but we both know you'd kill me in an instant 217 00:06:48,758 --> 00:06:50,898 if given an opportunity. Now, all we have to do 218 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,760 is solve this riddle, and, luckily, 219 00:06:52,862 --> 00:06:54,692 I know just the new character. 220 00:06:56,275 --> 00:06:57,335 Rip Digman? 221 00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:58,688 Oh, sorry, it's not 222 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,283 that I'm shocked to see you, I'm just clumsy. 223 00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:02,589 A bit of an olive oil fingers, if you take my meaning. 224 00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:04,899 Saltine, meet Professor McEwan, 225 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,760 my old Italian history professor, 226 00:07:06,862 --> 00:07:10,722 and an absolutely primo, grade A, male mentor. 227 00:07:12,068 --> 00:07:13,928 - Grappa? - No, thanks. 228 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,314 - 10:15 a.m. - Well, it's 5:00 somewhere. 229 00:07:16,413 --> 00:07:17,833 Not if it's 10:15? 230 00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:19,311 Right, so let's take a look at this map. 231 00:07:19,413 --> 00:07:21,593 - [glass shatters] - Whoop. My bad. So, the map... 232 00:07:21,689 --> 00:07:22,859 Not sure if I mentioned this, 233 00:07:22,965 --> 00:07:24,305 I'm a bit of an olive oil fingers. 234 00:07:24,413 --> 00:07:25,973 - Yeah, you did. - That's the Italian version... 235 00:07:26,068 --> 00:07:27,618 Of a butterfingers. Right, I get it. 236 00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:29,694 Great, then you understand. Moving on. 237 00:07:29,793 --> 00:07:31,003 Fascinating. 238 00:07:31,103 --> 00:07:33,313 Seems like this phrase may be a clue. 239 00:07:33,413 --> 00:07:34,793 "Flavo pila credere in." 240 00:07:34,896 --> 00:07:36,826 That's Latin for "Trust in the sun." 241 00:07:36,931 --> 00:07:39,241 Perhaps sunlight will reveal a hidden message. 242 00:07:39,344 --> 00:07:40,244 Ah, nothing. 243 00:07:40,344 --> 00:07:41,484 Let's think. 244 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:42,926 if I were Fra Mauro, what would I do? 245 00:07:43,034 --> 00:07:45,244 Well, I'd change my name first, that's for sure. 246 00:07:45,344 --> 00:07:46,344 [both laugh] 247 00:07:46,448 --> 00:07:47,618 You are the funniest person 248 00:07:47,724 --> 00:07:49,624 I've ever met. Bar none. 249 00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:51,524 Now, how to solve this riddle. 250 00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:54,720 Can I try? I'm pretty good at cracking those things. 251 00:07:54,827 --> 00:07:56,897 [echoing]: Cracking those. 252 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,240 - [groans] Damn these eggs. - Can I try? 253 00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:01,144 I'm pretty good at cracking those things. 254 00:08:01,241 --> 00:08:03,901 No way, Zane! I don't want your help, you backstabber! 255 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,380 Whoa, Rip, you're clearly 256 00:08:05,482 --> 00:08:07,032 projecting your issues with Zane onto me. 257 00:08:07,137 --> 00:08:09,657 Well, I'm sorry, Saltine, but I have trauma. 258 00:08:09,758 --> 00:08:13,068 You can't argue with trauma. Are you unsympathetic to trauma? 259 00:08:13,172 --> 00:08:15,762 Uh, Saltine, perhaps we should give Rip a moment here. 260 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:17,762 My assistant Roberto would be more than happy 261 00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:19,522 to show you around our beautiful city. 262 00:08:19,620 --> 00:08:20,970 At your service. 263 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,378 Why don't you come with me, amica? 264 00:08:22,482 --> 00:08:23,412 [chuckles] 265 00:08:23,517 --> 00:08:25,967 Um, yes, please. 266 00:08:26,068 --> 00:08:27,588 And that is what happens 267 00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:30,689 when the moon hits your eye. But enough astronomy talk. 268 00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:32,903 This is really lovely, Roberto. 269 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,100 Oh, for me, it's my pleasure. 270 00:08:35,206 --> 00:08:37,856 To stroll with a beautiful woman such as yourself, 271 00:08:37,965 --> 00:08:40,785 it made my armpits, um, how you say, uh, 272 00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:42,616 wet and scented. 273 00:08:42,724 --> 00:08:44,214 What a great way of putting that. 274 00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:46,280 May I, uh, remove? 275 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:47,900 [Saltine laughs] 276 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,340 "I'm with Stupid" in Latin? 277 00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:51,658 That's so clever. 278 00:08:51,758 --> 00:08:52,968 You're a fellow Latin lover? 279 00:08:53,068 --> 00:08:54,688 Oh, Mamma mia, yes. 280 00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:56,173 It is my one true passion. 281 00:08:56,275 --> 00:08:58,205 I-I wish it was a living language still. 282 00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:01,380 Me, too. I could talk about it "ad nauseam." 283 00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:02,862 [laughs] 284 00:09:02,965 --> 00:09:05,615 And yet, Saltina, I feel I could never reach 285 00:09:05,724 --> 00:09:07,484 "nauseam" with you. 286 00:09:07,586 --> 00:09:10,756 Ergo, I'd like to show you my Venice. Will you allow me? 287 00:09:10,862 --> 00:09:12,832 Well, "carpe diem," right? 288 00:09:12,931 --> 00:09:14,591 Saltina, I love you. 289 00:09:14,689 --> 00:09:17,999 Whoa. Okay, rad. Thanks. 290 00:09:18,896 --> 00:09:21,656 To me, this is the most romantic sight 291 00:09:21,758 --> 00:09:22,968 in all of Venezia. Via! 292 00:09:23,068 --> 00:09:24,338 [gasps] Is that 293 00:09:24,448 --> 00:09:27,098 an imperfect subjunctive contrafactual condition? 294 00:09:27,206 --> 00:09:28,206 Yes. 295 00:09:29,034 --> 00:09:30,414 [both moaning] 296 00:09:30,517 --> 00:09:33,137 Thank you for an incredible day, Roberto. 297 00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:34,591 It's so beautiful here. 298 00:09:34,689 --> 00:09:36,479 Made more beautiful 299 00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:38,996 by you. [groans] 300 00:09:39,103 --> 00:09:40,453 - You okay there, Roberto? - Mm-hmm. 301 00:09:40,551 --> 00:09:42,381 'Cause it seems like you thought you could 302 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,662 just take a big bite of a lemon 303 00:09:43,758 --> 00:09:44,688 like it would be no big deal. 304 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,413 No, it tastes very good. 305 00:09:46,517 --> 00:09:48,517 If that's what happened, it's fine, we're still gonna smash. 306 00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:50,070 It just seems weird you wouldn't be honest. 307 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:52,622 Mmm. You know, lemons 308 00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:55,794 were a rare treat in ancient Italy, 309 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,406 reserved only for the wealthy. 310 00:09:58,517 --> 00:09:59,377 [Roberto laughs weakly] 311 00:09:59,482 --> 00:10:00,692 [gasps] 312 00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:02,383 We've got to get back to the manor. 313 00:10:03,551 --> 00:10:06,001 Hey, what are you doing? You're gonna ruin the map. 314 00:10:06,103 --> 00:10:07,213 No, I'm not. Your translation was wrong. 315 00:10:07,310 --> 00:10:08,690 It wasn't "Trust in the sun," 316 00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:10,143 it was "Trust in the yellow ball," 317 00:10:10,241 --> 00:10:11,551 which is what your average person called lemons 318 00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:13,235 in ancient Italy because they were so rare. 319 00:10:13,344 --> 00:10:14,934 And lemon juice can be used as an acid developer 320 00:10:15,034 --> 00:10:16,414 to make invisible phenolphthalein inks visible 321 00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:17,717 like so. 322 00:10:17,827 --> 00:10:19,337 Easy-peasy, 323 00:10:19,448 --> 00:10:20,858 lemon-squeezy. 324 00:10:20,965 --> 00:10:23,065 St. Mark's Piazza, that's where the knife is hidden. 325 00:10:23,172 --> 00:10:25,102 Holy authentic Italian cannoli. 326 00:10:25,206 --> 00:10:26,376 - You've done it. - [glass shatters] 327 00:10:26,482 --> 00:10:27,902 Oh, I think I should just go for it 328 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,380 and get all rubber everything, right? 329 00:10:29,482 --> 00:10:31,552 You'd be selling yourself short not to. Yeah. 330 00:10:31,655 --> 00:10:33,615 - Do you know a rubber monger? - Not locally. 331 00:10:33,724 --> 00:10:35,034 - But back home? - Yeah. 332 00:10:35,137 --> 00:10:36,407 If Rip gives you my email, will you send me 333 00:10:36,517 --> 00:10:37,617 your rubber monger's info? 334 00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:38,764 Of course, but just so you know, 335 00:10:38,862 --> 00:10:40,072 he's in Temecula until Thursday. 336 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:42,032 It's his aunt and uncle's 40th anniversary. 337 00:10:42,137 --> 00:10:43,547 The anniversary was actually last year, 338 00:10:43,655 --> 00:10:45,895 but Don hurt his foot, so they couldn't celebrate. 339 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,970 - Don is the uncle. - What is Don's wife's name? 340 00:10:48,068 --> 00:10:49,618 - Kathleen. - Kathleen and Don 341 00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:50,904 actually met a few blocks away 342 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,140 from where the party is being held. 343 00:10:52,241 --> 00:10:53,521 - Is that so? - But Kathleen was with 344 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,210 Gary Delvecchio back then, so she and Don 345 00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:57,070 didn't start dating until a few months later. 346 00:10:57,172 --> 00:10:58,452 In fact, he wanted to come to the anniversary, 347 00:10:58,551 --> 00:10:59,791 but he's staying in Chicago because 348 00:10:59,896 --> 00:11:01,096 it's his granddaughter Jessica's 349 00:11:01,206 --> 00:11:02,306 seventh birthday party. 350 00:11:02,413 --> 00:11:04,003 - It's pony-themed. - Which, yes, 351 00:11:04,103 --> 00:11:05,593 was also her friend Madison's birthday theme. 352 00:11:05,689 --> 00:11:08,139 Ah, well, please send Madison and her family my best. 353 00:11:08,241 --> 00:11:09,591 Will do. 354 00:11:17,655 --> 00:11:20,275 [sighs] This place is crawling with Little Caesars. 355 00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:21,859 Why don't you guys check the basilica, 356 00:11:21,965 --> 00:11:23,135 and we'll meet back up at... 357 00:11:23,241 --> 00:11:25,101 Uh, let's see, what time is it now? 358 00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:26,656 Great Caesar's ghost. 359 00:11:26,758 --> 00:11:27,718 That clock hand, it's the knife. 360 00:11:27,827 --> 00:11:29,307 Hidden in plain sight. 361 00:11:29,413 --> 00:11:31,243 Just like Waldo in the Where's Waldo? novels. 362 00:11:31,344 --> 00:11:32,524 Or the Bible verse on the bottom 363 00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:34,100 of a Forever 21 bag. 364 00:11:34,206 --> 00:11:36,756 Now, here's the plan. You'll climb the clocktower... 365 00:11:37,586 --> 00:11:39,926 - Oh, is that it? - Yup, that's the whole thing. 366 00:11:40,896 --> 00:11:42,336 [panting] 367 00:11:42,448 --> 00:11:43,338 [groans] 368 00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:44,588 How it's looking down there? 369 00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:46,549 Don't worry, no one's "clocked" you, 370 00:11:46,655 --> 00:11:48,995 pun absolutely intended. 371 00:11:49,103 --> 00:11:50,103 Everyone is just buried in their phones. 372 00:11:50,206 --> 00:11:51,376 It's sad when you think about it. 373 00:11:51,482 --> 00:11:53,002 No way, fuck that. I love my phone. 374 00:11:53,103 --> 00:11:54,663 Push that shit on someone else. 375 00:11:54,758 --> 00:11:56,618 Almost... got... it. 376 00:11:56,724 --> 00:11:57,624 [screams] 377 00:11:57,724 --> 00:11:58,864 Who am I, 378 00:11:58,965 --> 00:12:00,375 Harold Lloyd in Safety Last!? 379 00:12:00,482 --> 00:12:02,342 - Anyway, I'm in huge trouble! - [both gasp] 380 00:12:04,586 --> 00:12:05,476 [gasps] 381 00:12:05,586 --> 00:12:06,716 [grunts] 382 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,547 Woo-hoo! 383 00:12:08,655 --> 00:12:10,305 Who am I, Hudson Hawk? 384 00:12:10,413 --> 00:12:11,723 Uh, I would describe that as 385 00:12:11,827 --> 00:12:13,237 Hudson Hawk meets Harold Lloyd. 386 00:12:13,344 --> 00:12:15,144 - Thank you. - [laughs] 387 00:12:15,241 --> 00:12:16,451 So, Saltine, you're holding the knife. 388 00:12:16,551 --> 00:12:17,481 Is it cursed? 389 00:12:17,586 --> 00:12:18,516 I am your boss. 390 00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:19,970 Does it make you want to kill me? 391 00:12:20,068 --> 00:12:21,098 Fine. It's just a normal knife. 392 00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:22,236 Well, I guess all's well 393 00:12:22,344 --> 00:12:23,244 - that ends... - It's them. 394 00:12:23,344 --> 00:12:24,794 - Over there. - Shit! 395 00:12:24,896 --> 00:12:26,516 Okay, this piazza is famously full of pigeons. 396 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,240 We run straight at them, and when they take flight, 397 00:12:28,344 --> 00:12:29,764 they'll hide us in a canopy of wings and feathers. 398 00:12:29,862 --> 00:12:31,452 Sounds good, let's go! 399 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,341 [all panting] 400 00:12:34,172 --> 00:12:35,452 [crunching] 401 00:12:35,551 --> 00:12:36,831 - They're not flying! - Why won't they fly? 402 00:12:36,931 --> 00:12:38,411 We're just crunching them. 403 00:12:38,517 --> 00:12:40,447 I can hear their tiny, brittle bones beneath my feet. 404 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,521 Oh, God, I think I just curbed one. 405 00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:44,030 - Are we going to hell for this? - ROBERTO: Oh, no, no! 406 00:12:44,137 --> 00:12:45,897 I have now killed, like, 4,000 pigeons. 407 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,140 I will never not feel them under my feet. 408 00:12:48,241 --> 00:12:49,861 And we're leaving a perfect pigeon carcass path 409 00:12:49,965 --> 00:12:51,205 for the Caesars to follow. 410 00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,210 It's disgusting and hurting our cause. 411 00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:56,620 Okay, new plan. Jump! 412 00:12:58,275 --> 00:12:59,205 [groans] 413 00:13:00,793 --> 00:13:02,693 Well, at least the canal water 414 00:13:02,793 --> 00:13:04,523 washed off the pigeon blood. 415 00:13:08,034 --> 00:13:09,004 And then she walked in with her perfect figure: 416 00:13:09,103 --> 00:13:11,723 30-30-30, a total tube. 417 00:13:11,827 --> 00:13:12,997 - [phone rings] - Yello? 418 00:13:13,103 --> 00:13:14,903 Swooper, we're in the canal by St. Mark's. 419 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,690 Get a gondola and get us fast. 420 00:13:16,793 --> 00:13:17,833 On my way, Rippy. 421 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,031 Sorry that my five-point plan 422 00:13:19,137 --> 00:13:20,027 might get us killed, Rip. 423 00:13:20,137 --> 00:13:21,067 Are you kidding me? 424 00:13:21,172 --> 00:13:22,342 This is the good stuff. 425 00:13:22,448 --> 00:13:23,238 I haven't been this happy in years. 426 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:24,594 Really? Wow. So, I guess 427 00:13:24,689 --> 00:13:26,449 you could say trusting me was a good call. 428 00:13:26,551 --> 00:13:28,171 [echoing]: Good call. 429 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,785 Hey, Zane, what do you think of this turkey call? 430 00:13:30,896 --> 00:13:32,996 [gobbling] 431 00:13:36,931 --> 00:13:38,861 [whistles] Good call. 432 00:13:39,103 --> 00:13:40,933 No, I'm not falling for that again. 433 00:13:41,034 --> 00:13:43,344 I'll never trust you. [cries] 434 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:46,208 Come on, Swooper, where are you? 435 00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:47,520 One gondola, please. 436 00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:49,930 You need a license to rent a gondola. 437 00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:52,074 But getting one is no easy task. 438 00:13:52,172 --> 00:13:53,592 The training is rigorous. 439 00:13:53,689 --> 00:13:55,969 It will test you. It will break you. 440 00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:57,658 And it will cost you 441 00:13:57,758 --> 00:13:59,278 60 euros. 442 00:14:00,103 --> 00:14:01,593 Welcome to... 443 00:14:01,689 --> 00:14:03,589 Top Gondola. 444 00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:05,719 ♪ ♪ 445 00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:08,657 Gentlemen, look around you. 446 00:14:08,758 --> 00:14:09,898 Someone in this classroom will die 447 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:10,970 before the training is over. 448 00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:13,378 [grunting] 449 00:14:17,827 --> 00:14:21,407 Rule number one: Never drop your oar. 450 00:14:27,310 --> 00:14:29,720 [crowd cheers] 451 00:14:32,068 --> 00:14:33,928 [singsongy]: I don't hear singing. 452 00:14:34,034 --> 00:14:37,104 [singing in Italian] 453 00:14:45,206 --> 00:14:47,686 ♪ ♪ 454 00:14:59,758 --> 00:15:04,238 This is wrong. You are my teacher. 455 00:15:06,758 --> 00:15:08,928 Yee-haw! 456 00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:10,314 Time for your greatest test: 457 00:15:10,413 --> 00:15:11,763 the Quick Stop. 458 00:15:11,862 --> 00:15:13,212 Guppy, you're up first. 459 00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:14,790 [singing in Italian] 460 00:15:17,034 --> 00:15:18,524 Guppy, there's a whirlpool! 461 00:15:19,413 --> 00:15:21,173 Quick stop, Guppy! 462 00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:25,615 Guppy! No...! 463 00:15:27,034 --> 00:15:28,974 Is Papà in heaven, Mamma? 464 00:15:29,068 --> 00:15:31,998 Siì. Papà è in paradiso. 465 00:15:32,793 --> 00:15:34,483 TEACHER: What do you mean you quit? 466 00:15:34,586 --> 00:15:36,336 You haven't even mastered the Quick Stop yet. 467 00:15:36,448 --> 00:15:38,758 We can't give you a license until you do. 468 00:15:38,862 --> 00:15:41,032 I'm sorry, Denise. I can't. 469 00:15:41,862 --> 00:15:42,862 Hey, man. 470 00:15:42,965 --> 00:15:45,375 You were the best of us. 471 00:15:45,482 --> 00:15:46,902 [sniffs] 472 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,210 So you got your license? 473 00:15:48,310 --> 00:15:50,070 - Oh, yeah. - Okay, here you go. 474 00:15:50,172 --> 00:15:53,312 Somebody order a gondola? 475 00:15:54,862 --> 00:15:56,102 ♪ Barcarola... ♪ 476 00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:57,516 Swooper, what are you doing? Shut up. 477 00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,660 I'm a gondolier, Rip, I got to sing. 478 00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:01,478 You're gonna attract too much attention. 479 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,586 I'll attract more attention if I don't sing. 480 00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:06,339 There's nothing more suspicious than a silent gondolier. 481 00:16:06,448 --> 00:16:08,138 I don't care. Put a sock in it. 482 00:16:08,965 --> 00:16:10,615 Over there. That gondolier isn't singing. 483 00:16:10,724 --> 00:16:12,724 - It's them. - Told you. 484 00:16:14,689 --> 00:16:15,999 [squawks] 485 00:16:16,103 --> 00:16:18,243 [grunting] 486 00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:20,284 They have Jet Skis? 487 00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:21,789 Nothing a little NOS can't outrun. 488 00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:24,615 [cheering] 489 00:16:24,724 --> 00:16:26,214 - That's how you do it. - [dolphin squeaking] 490 00:16:26,310 --> 00:16:28,100 - H-hey, look, it's a dolphin. - [cheering] 491 00:16:28,206 --> 00:16:29,236 [laughs] 492 00:16:29,344 --> 00:16:31,624 - Oh, no, a shark ate it! - [booing] 493 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:32,904 [cheering] 494 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,030 SALTINE: A big dolphin ate the shark! 495 00:16:35,137 --> 00:16:37,307 [screaming] 496 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,143 - There are rapids in Venice? - Yes. 497 00:16:39,241 --> 00:16:40,691 Oh, my God, Swooper, stop. 498 00:16:40,793 --> 00:16:43,073 Swooper, what the hell are you doing? Stop! 499 00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:44,692 This is for you, Guppy. 500 00:16:44,793 --> 00:16:46,283 [shouts] 501 00:16:46,379 --> 00:16:49,099 [men screaming] 502 00:16:52,517 --> 00:16:53,787 Incredible work, Swooper. 503 00:16:53,896 --> 00:16:56,206 Thanks. I'm gonna go return the gondola. 504 00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:57,380 Well, that worked out great. 505 00:16:57,482 --> 00:16:58,972 And now for an epic selfie 506 00:16:59,068 --> 00:17:00,658 with my phone, which I love. 507 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,688 - Saltine, hold this a sec. - Okay. 508 00:17:02,793 --> 00:17:04,833 - Okay. - Oh, no, you don't, Zane. 509 00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:06,281 You'd stab me with it. 510 00:17:06,379 --> 00:17:07,859 You know that's not true. I was holding it earlier. 511 00:17:07,965 --> 00:17:08,925 You were joking about it. 512 00:17:09,034 --> 00:17:10,314 Doesn't matter, I have trauma. 513 00:17:10,413 --> 00:17:11,763 Roberto, here, you hold it. 514 00:17:11,862 --> 00:17:12,972 Sure thing. 515 00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:15,408 [laughs] 516 00:17:15,517 --> 00:17:17,167 What's so funny, Roberto? 517 00:17:17,275 --> 00:17:19,025 Are you remembering a Latin meme? 518 00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:20,377 - Can you share? - Mi scusi. 519 00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:21,972 I am laughing because 520 00:17:22,068 --> 00:17:24,278 I have the knife now. 521 00:17:24,379 --> 00:17:26,069 Roberto, you're betraying us? 522 00:17:26,172 --> 00:17:27,212 I trusted you. 523 00:17:27,310 --> 00:17:28,550 Wait, so you've been undercover, 524 00:17:28,655 --> 00:17:30,755 working for and sleeping with Professor McEwan 525 00:17:30,862 --> 00:17:32,522 - just to look for the knife? - Wait, sleeping with? 526 00:17:32,620 --> 00:17:34,210 That's right. I tricked you. 527 00:17:34,310 --> 00:17:38,000 And soon I'll explain why. 528 00:17:38,103 --> 00:17:39,793 [both gasp] 529 00:17:39,896 --> 00:17:41,996 I'm sorry, not to harp on this. You were sleeping with McEwan? 530 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:43,863 Yes, but you are focusing on the wrong thing. But yes. 531 00:17:48,206 --> 00:17:49,446 Roberto, no. Was it all just a lie? 532 00:17:49,551 --> 00:17:51,141 What about the seven times we had amazing sex? 533 00:17:51,241 --> 00:17:53,071 What about the time we started, but then you slipped out, 534 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:54,792 and then we heard people coming so we decided to just call it? 535 00:17:54,896 --> 00:17:55,786 Been there. 536 00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:57,476 None of it was a lie, Saltina. 537 00:17:57,586 --> 00:17:59,966 When I said I loved you 45 seconds after meeting you, 538 00:18:00,068 --> 00:18:01,338 I meant it. 539 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,518 But there is more you should know about me. 540 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:05,620 I am actually the deputy vice president 541 00:18:05,724 --> 00:18:07,174 of Italy's Ministry of Education, 542 00:18:07,275 --> 00:18:09,615 meaning I am third in line to rule as secretary. 543 00:18:09,724 --> 00:18:12,104 But when I place the dagger in the hands of the man 544 00:18:12,206 --> 00:18:15,026 who is second in line, he will kill his boss, 545 00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:17,307 then be arrested, leaving the education throne 546 00:18:17,413 --> 00:18:18,663 to be assumed by me, 547 00:18:18,758 --> 00:18:21,278 and then I shall once more make Latin 548 00:18:21,379 --> 00:18:22,789 the national language of Italy! 549 00:18:22,896 --> 00:18:24,446 I realize you have the upper hand, 550 00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:25,931 but it's a weird plan. 551 00:18:26,034 --> 00:18:27,594 - It's not weird. - The knife isn't even cursed, 552 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,209 genius. You saw it yourself. 553 00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:30,620 Oh, it's cursed all right. 554 00:18:30,724 --> 00:18:32,454 You just hadn't activated it. 555 00:18:32,551 --> 00:18:35,931 Veni ad vitam, cultrum mirabilis. 556 00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:37,764 Aw, shit, it's glowing red. Yeah, it's cursed. 557 00:18:37,862 --> 00:18:39,552 So, what, you're just gonna kill us? 558 00:18:39,655 --> 00:18:43,275 On the contrary, I want to rule this new empire 559 00:18:43,379 --> 00:18:45,169 with you by my side. But as for Rip? 560 00:18:45,275 --> 00:18:46,405 He will die. 561 00:18:46,517 --> 00:18:48,617 - By your hand. - No, I-I can't. 562 00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:51,074 Why not? He doesn't trust you. 563 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,282 He can't even speak Latin. 564 00:18:52,379 --> 00:18:55,829 Tell me, Saltine. Where's the lie? 565 00:18:55,931 --> 00:18:57,001 I mean, sure, 566 00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:58,453 that is all true. 567 00:18:58,551 --> 00:19:00,071 Give me the knife. 568 00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:01,482 What? Saltine, no. 569 00:19:01,586 --> 00:19:02,686 I thought we had a good thing going. 570 00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:04,283 This won't hurt a bit, boss. 571 00:19:04,379 --> 00:19:05,549 Trust me. 572 00:19:08,310 --> 00:19:09,210 Aw, crap. 573 00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:10,310 Is this curtains for me? 574 00:19:10,413 --> 00:19:11,313 I'm about to be fitted for 575 00:19:11,413 --> 00:19:12,383 a pine overcoat, aren't I? 576 00:19:12,482 --> 00:19:13,692 I don't want to pay Charon's fee 577 00:19:13,793 --> 00:19:15,073 and shake hands with Elvis. 578 00:19:15,172 --> 00:19:16,102 You're telling me I'm gonna be 579 00:19:16,206 --> 00:19:17,406 promoted to Glory? No way. 580 00:19:18,482 --> 00:19:20,072 [both shout] 581 00:19:21,862 --> 00:19:24,412 And now that he's definitely dead, 582 00:19:24,517 --> 00:19:25,617 I can fulfill my destiny 583 00:19:25,724 --> 00:19:26,834 - as the... - I'm back. 584 00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:28,381 - [both grunt] - [bones crack] 585 00:19:28,482 --> 00:19:29,382 [chuckles] Saltine, 586 00:19:29,482 --> 00:19:30,762 you remembered the jerky. 587 00:19:30,862 --> 00:19:33,382 - I did. - That was amazing. 588 00:19:33,482 --> 00:19:35,762 [both laugh, sigh] 589 00:19:37,413 --> 00:19:39,593 So... you kill people? 590 00:19:39,689 --> 00:19:41,619 It would appear so, yeah. 591 00:19:42,655 --> 00:19:43,615 - Huh. - Truth be told, 592 00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:44,904 this was my first time. 593 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,760 [chuckles] I'm actually having... 594 00:19:46,862 --> 00:19:48,482 having a little trouble with it. 595 00:19:48,586 --> 00:19:50,026 Oh, my God, what have I done?! 596 00:19:50,137 --> 00:19:52,097 His life! I snuffed it out! 597 00:19:52,206 --> 00:19:53,716 He'll never have another birthday! 598 00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:55,687 But he was gonna kill us, right? I had no choice. 599 00:19:55,793 --> 00:19:58,693 You saw, he was evil. Oh, shit, I'm gonna boot. 600 00:19:59,862 --> 00:20:01,312 Oh, no. 601 00:20:01,413 --> 00:20:02,933 He slipped on a rock! You saw! 602 00:20:03,034 --> 00:20:05,414 Oh, God, he had a mother, Saltine! 603 00:20:05,517 --> 00:20:07,027 [sobs] Oh, fuck. 604 00:20:07,137 --> 00:20:10,277 I'm a piece of shit, I'm a fucking piece of shit! 605 00:20:10,379 --> 00:20:12,589 So it's agreed, we'll never talk about that again. 606 00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:14,279 Yup, you got it. So, are you excited 607 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:15,969 to make the Arky Rankings this week, Rip? 608 00:20:16,068 --> 00:20:18,028 - The knife makes it a sure bet. - Indeed, 'twould be nice. 609 00:20:18,137 --> 00:20:20,307 But I think it will be many moons longer still. 610 00:20:20,413 --> 00:20:21,623 - What do you mean? - It's the unwritten 611 00:20:21,724 --> 00:20:23,074 arky code, Saltine. 612 00:20:23,172 --> 00:20:24,792 We can't give a cursed object to a museum, 613 00:20:24,896 --> 00:20:26,996 for it will always be targeted by ne'er-do-wells. 614 00:20:27,103 --> 00:20:28,973 I am just happy returning the confetti. 615 00:20:29,068 --> 00:20:30,588 That was step one of your five-point plan, 616 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:31,999 and I trust your plan. 617 00:20:32,103 --> 00:20:34,863 Perfect, time for step two: Making amends. 618 00:20:34,965 --> 00:20:35,995 Fuck that. I'm out. 619 00:20:51,379 --> 00:20:52,789 Ouch! 620 00:21:06,551 --> 00:21:07,971 Come to papa. 621 00:21:08,021 --> 00:21:12,571 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0